我遇到了一堵墙

  我根本不知道我现在在做什么。

  机械式地背单词，学语法，我也不明白这是在干什么，这是为了什么。记得小学升初中的时候，这种迷惘也曾出现过，但当时我并没有好好面对，以至于宝贵的三年时光就那样、连自己都不甘心地无奈地渡过去了。

  现在我正在站在出国的这条路上，呆呆地站着，眼神里只有迷惘和不知所措。我无法预测这条路上将出现什么样的路人ABC，汽车阿尔法贝塔伽玛，怪物123，这种心慌的感觉，虽然不疼也不痒，却总是弄得你的心无法平静，那扇心灵的窗户仿佛被蒙上了纱布，一切都变得模糊不清。

  我总是想让一切都变得清楚明白，可是我越是这样想，越是试图探求更深，就越是会碰到一堵又一堵坚硬的墙，挡在我的视线面前。

  Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone hom

Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?


There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.


Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more --Aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working. Good.
That'll keep you going for the show.
Come on it's time to go.


There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.